by Lon on December 21, 2009
It was a bit of a rocky finish on our Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters Group Blogging Project. But here are some closing thoughts of mine.
As a father of soon-to-be two daughters, this book scared the crap out of me.
The challenge ahead is huge, particularly because our instantaneous, over-sexualized, materialistic culture seems to wage war against their sense of wholeness at every turn.
I don’t think most dads grasp just how powerful of an influence they are in the lives of their daughters. You really are heroes. You can be the most socially-awkward, boring, and lame excuse for a human being out there, and you’d still be a hero in the eyes of your daughter. At least that’s the starting point for all of us.
And even when they discover you’re just another fallen broken creature, there’s still some small space in their heart that reserves hope for the incredible man you can be.
Although I always thought I’d be the ‘good-cop’, I’m not. The book helped affirm to me that my daughters need me to be their dad, more than their best friend. This desire of “Am I worth fighting for?“, something I see even in my own wife, is built into our daughters.
They need to see the strength of our convictions even if at times it involves disciplining them. One of my favorite quotes was “When your two-year old daughter has a temper tantrum, put her in time-out and ignore her until she calms down. When she’s sixteen, do exactly the same.” (I’m still convinced I’ll be considered ‘cool’ when they’re sixteen at the moment though).
Some of the stories in the book were completely heart wrenching. You can be the best dad on the planet, and things can still happen. Our girls can break us into a million pieces and we still need to keep taking the hits, perusing, and loving. God may be love, but the reality is we’re one of they’re best tangible expressions of what love is.
It’s nice to know that every man that enters the lives of our daughters will be compared against us. It challenges me to be an even better man, and part me takes a bit of joy in my little girls crushing guys hearts because they aren’t half the man their geriatric daddy is. (at least that’s what I’m hoping for, because these girls aren’t just going to be loved, but completely adored).
I know there’s a challenging road ahead – but I so feel so utterly blessed to be a father of two girls. A final quote from the book, “A man can banter with his friends and colleagues about whether God exists. But a father looks at his daughter and knows.”
* You can see chapter-by-chapter posts on the book from many other fathers in the previous 10 or so posts.
by Lon on November 25, 2009
The Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters Group Blogging Project continues.
Chapter 5 – Protect Her, Defend Her (and use a shotgun if necessary) – is brought to you by Tony Sheng. I’ve been tracking with Tony for years as he mobilizes the next generation in global missions. Tony is awesome.
“Why don’t we have a school dance in this middle school?”
“Because we did a few years ago and found 8th grade girls in the bathroom giving head to 8th grade boys.”
If you think this is vulgar, it’s okay to be offended and never read my blog again. On the other hand, if you think I made this up, I wish you were sadly mistaken. As part of a blog tour on the book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, I’m posting about Chapter 5 today. It’s probably the most sobering and the most frightening in the book because Dr. Meeker explains the very toxic culture that our daughters live in and then she outlines whose responsibility it is to protect them – you, their father. Here are some quotes that should awaken your masculine soul:
The most aggressive campaign against your daughter’s emotional and physical health is directed at her sexuality. She relies on your defense against that campaign.
10,000 kids a day get an STD.
Nearly one in four sexually active teens is living with an STD at this moment.
If present levels of sexual activity among kids continue, by the year 2025 (fewer than twenty years from now),39 percent of all men and 49 percent of all women will test positive for genital herpes.
Popular culture trains our daughters for a life of promiscuity.
Yikes. She goes on.
If you as a father saw what I see every week in my medical practice, you would know what to do. And you’d succeed.
And the best news is: you are far more effective protector of your daughter than any condom, any sex-ed teacher, any school nurse and any doctor. That’s what kids tell us every day. They want to hear from their parents. They want their parents to tell them what’s right, what’s wrong, and what they should do… You need to stay in the fight for her innocence and her mental and physical health. It’s a fight you can – and that you must – win.
I’m in this fight every day as the father of two girls 8 and 11. But it’s not a fight just about innocence – I believe that my kids can be islands of light in this toxic culture that so desperately works to undermine their purity. I believe that they can be relevant to the culture and, in fact, redeem parts of it so that others can see and ask about why they are different. Perhaps growing agents of redemption requires a fine balance between protecting them and unleashing them.
Here are a few things I’ve done. Granted, I don’t know if they are working.
:: I’ve said no to:
+ my wife and mother in law wanting to fly into Las Vegas for family vacation. [I'm still hearing about how ridiculous I am being - sorry, D.]
+ Em, 8, wanting to listen to Britney Spears latest song, “3,” since it’s a song they dance to in hip hop class. [And Britney, you have so much power and responsibility...]
+ Kt, 11, spending too much time with a friend who isn’t the best influence.
+ Movies – anything R. Although we’ve made some bad choices about PG-13 ones.
+ Music – and the challenge of helping them think through the words.
:: Trying to have normal conversations about middle school health class. “Have they talked about STDs? Condoms? Doing the deed?”
:: Trying to convey that we shouldn’t care that much about the approval of others.
:: Praying for, and with, my girls.
Here are Dr. Meeker’s suggestions too:
Teach self-respect early.
When she dates, sweep the garage – presence for when she comes home.
Plan with her – help her understand that sex is for later.
Say something – don’t be afraid to discuss sex with your daughters.
I’m convinced that the next generation of girls – aged 5-20 right now – are going to be the major players in the global world in the future – they are the ones that are going to solve the worlds greatest problems. But they will only do this if they are protected and unleashed. Fathers, stay in the fight. Humanity needs your daughters at their best.
