I’ll admit my experience is limited – my daughter is barely three months old. But anyone with a blog has an opinion. And I know the co-ordinator here, I ain’t afraid to ask to be in on it. So here goes.
Chapter 2 establishes how to be a hero to our daughters. Show leadership and authority in protecting her. Persevering and staying on course when times, and wives, and daughters, are tough.
One of the key takeaways for me was when Meeker cautions, “remember that when she pushes hard against your rules, flailing, crying that you are mean or unfair, she is really asking you a question: Am I worth the fight, Dad?… Make sure she knows the answer is yes.” Am I worth the fight? It’s a question humanity asked Jesus and that cost him his life. It seems it’s a question that will be asked of us. And I so want to say yes, yes, yes.
But my daughter is just three months old. My marriage is just over two years. Sure, it’s been good, but not nearly long enough to be a model. We say to have faith, trust your instincts, but stats don’t lie. We are failing.
Meeker finishes the chapter with this bit about being a real man. Being a heroic father. Having courage, perseverance and integrity. And I agree!
But integrity is a double-edged sword, and for every rallying cry the standard of integrity causes, there is a cry of submission. Some of us will read this chapter and not be inspired. Some of us will read this chapter and feel this heavy rock fall squarely on our shoulders.
And that would be unfortunate, because I don’t think Meeker is trying to do that. On the whole, she is trying to help fathers and I think she would agree that it’s not just having the integrity to do the right thing. It is in fact the willingness to try. And to genuinely admit when you are wrong. And to try again. Perseverance is not a shotgun or a hammer where the more you bang, the better you get. It is a finely honed chisel that requires thought, reflection and an openness that lets our daughters see who we really are: Men of hope, and ultimately, children of Grace.
Let me be clear, integrity is a virtue. But it isn’t human to achieve it. We will make mistakes and when we do, integrity shatters. If we were to ask Meeker, I’m sure she would say a father being genuine is assumed. I am saying that it is not. We try too hard to do what’s right, and hide what’s wrong and my firm belief is that as sure as Jesus knows, so do our daughters.
Daddy daycare is over, and today’s my first time in a month having the 8 hours of the day all to myself.
Between having the best time in the world hanging out with my daughter, I’ve been squeezing in the odd hour or two each day, at my full time career… trying to change the world of course.
Let me say those of you who are stay-at-home parents, much honor and glory and praise is due to you! I have no doubt that many of you live with plans on hold and dreams deferred. You’re a gift to your child and to the world.
And single parents out there, I have no idea how you do it. period. You astound me.
Today I made breakfast and lunch for my wife and daughter. Read through the scriptures (I’ve been reading genesis, and going through John & Revelations backwards). While watching the Toronto Government 2.0 Summit, I finished preparing for a talk on the ‘theology of ecology’ I’ll be doing with my wife this Sunday.
Also managed to dig through some emails, book my next several meetings, and write up the next ten blog posts.
It’s been a long while since I’ve felt that U2 has reached the same lyrical brilliance they had since the Achtung Baby/Joshua Tree albums. Maybe it’s just be, but there was something artistically profound in the lyrics back then, and as with much of popular music, it seems much more casual stylistically today.
I’ve always enjoyed one of the song “Sometimes you can’t make it on your own” from their last album, but yesterday I fell in love with it. I’ve always known that the song was written about Bono’s father, but I was waiting in the car for my wife, and listened to it several times over from different perspectives and it floored me.
I thought about it from my own father towards myself.
Tough, you think you’ve got the stuff You’re telling me and anyone, You’re hard enough
You don’t have to put up a fight You don’t have to always be right Let me take some of the punches, For you tonight
It’s interesting how we’re often raised to be autonomous and independent. To think that my parents would not only want to raise me and support me, but also struggle on behalf of me is mindblowing.
I thought about my own daughter and how much I want her to deeply know that she doesn’t need to appear strong before me and that I’d gladly take shots for her and fight for her.
I thought about my wife.
Listen to me now, I need to let you know You don’t have to go it alone
She embodies these words especially as I venture out on an unpaved path in life. I’m guessing as with many wives she wants to know how she uniquely helps or contributes to my well being, but this basic reality of staying the course with me.
I thought about myself.
A house still doesn’t make a home Don’t leave me here alone
I think this is such a vulnerable statement. Besides when I was sharing with my wife yesterday, I don’t recall the last time I uttered the words “don’t leave me here alone”. All the stuff and significance I surround myself with could never compare to the family that makes my home.
I thought about relationships.
We fight all the time, You and I That’s alright, we’re the same soul I don’t need, I don’t need to hear you say That if we weren’t so alike You’d like me a whole lot more
It’s odd how the people that are most like us, we can have the most contention with. They remind us of our own failings, our own junk, our own areas of weakness.
I thought about people who’ve shaped me at the climax of the song…
Can you hear me when I sing? You’re the reason I sing
Like my daughter when she’s proudly showing me what she made with her blocks, I realized I’m the same way. I come alive when I have an opportunity to express the best of what’s been given to me. But even more importantly, it hit me how deeply indebted to others I am, especially my wife.
I can’t do what I do, simply because I just reached deep within and pulled it out of myself. I’m not a self-generating machine. The best of what I am is because of others. You’re the reason I’m able to sing.
Now take it further, and listen to this from the perspective of God speaking to you.
Can you hear me when I sing? You’re the reason I sing
Can you hear and see and feel a God that is joyously expressing his infinite love towards you?
Stellar’s doing better, thanks so much for all the prayers.
A few reflections on the whole experience
There were periods Stellar would be breathing so rapidly I wondered how her little heart could keep up, and other times when her breath was so shallow we weren’t sure if she was breathing at all. Nothing much else matters in these moments.
In these moments you start thinking crazy crazy thoughts in silence. Who passed this on to her? Was it me? Is this the resulting consequence of some past sin? Might these be my last moments…?
In my struggles to live a disciplined life of prayer, I found no need to have to pray, it was simply the cry of my heart every moment.
I tell new parents how resilient kids are all the time, I guess it really is different when it’s your own.
Life sometimes offers us forever-defining choices with very little clarity. Should I rush to the emergency, or am I over-reacting and what’s best is to let this will pass? Sometimes you just need to believe that inkling of a voice within your heart, and act.
Stellar has always kept us busy with her high-fives and attraction to dirt, garbage, and just about all things dangerous. During her sickest moments she became almost void of her personality. We ached for all her special traits to re-emerge again. We realized that these sometimes tiring characteristics were signs of life, and what made her, her.
The internet is loaded with horrifically sad stories on just about every illness and disease. Sometimes knowing more information that you can’t action on, really doesn’t help.
Hospitals are rarely happy places. I have many friends in the medical profession I greatly admire, but there’s something about the ’system’ I think that often bothers me. Sometimes it seems to enforce helplessness as you’re often not told what exactly is going on, your life is at the mercy of strangers, and I often feel like conclusions are often drawn before proper assessments have been made.
This has only deepened my admiration for just about any parent who loves and raises a child, regardless of how their children turn out emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc. You are to be honored.
Our babysitter had to push back her commitment to us till January, so I’m hanging full-time with my daughter till then while Yvz has returned to work.
I can’t quite imagine having a more blessed life. It’s been a week of seeing Stellar try new foods and take further steps in life. I’ve been taking her to the doctors, the early-years-center, and the mall. Every day there are stories to tell that are a joy to share.
Life’s been incredibly busy and drama-filled lately, but at the end of the day at least I know I’ve got two things right.
These two.
Click on the image to see a larger image with the new lightbox plugin I’m trying out.
The Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters Group Blogging Project continues. Chapter 2 – She needs a hero – is brought to you by fellow tyndale-seminary alumni, raising the village director, and good friend, Alan Liu.
