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Speaking of Strong Daughters, this is fresh from our ultrasound today.
And yes, she’s a girl! That or the boy has a really small wee wee… which just couldn’t possibly be.
That makes three girls in my life now. I’m officially surrounded, but not surrendering anytime soon.
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I was lining up for the Tuesday special at Taco Bell, and overheard the lady next to me making her order with what seemed like forced extra-polite English. I looked over and noticed she was an older Asian lady, and figured she must have immigrated here not too long ago, and imagined what a difficult life it must have been integrating into a new country.
Then I realized she was with her daughter who was probably in her late twenties… with very obvious Down syndrome. It hit me that I had no idea just how hard her life has been and the disappointing realities she must have struggled with.
The lady was gently guiding her daughter though the ordering and payment process at the Taco Bell.
My heart just broke for them.
Not because of the situation they were in, but because I could see the decades of care and concern her mother had for her.
The daughter’s core identity was not that of a Down syndrome sufferer, but a child deeply loved and adored.
Ain’t that the truth about God and all His children?
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A heart-wrenching story coming out of Toronto. (See the Toronto Star article)
Two babies are in intensive care, one that will only survive if given a new heart; another with a strong heart, but no chance of survival.
The latter child, Kaylee, was taken off life support, so that her heart could be donated to baby Lillian. Kaylee shocks doctors as she hangs on to life, and according to hospital protocol she can no longer be a candidate for organ donation.
The longer Kaylee stays alive, the less viable her heart becomes for transplant.
Kaylee’s father is quoted as being very upset, not because his child remains alive, but because his daughter’s heart is still good, and their only comfort would be to donate it to baby Lillian who is desperately in need of a new heart.
Besides all the legal and ethical implications of all of this, a few thoughts…
What must it be like, to hope for the death of your own child, so that another might live?
What must it be like to want to give the most precious gift possible (the very heart of your own child), and not be able to do so?
When God and all his angels watched Christ die upon the cross, was there any doubt that life could only come through death?
If this transplant ever does go through, what would it be like for Kaylee’s parents, seeing that other child as they grow up? I imagine some type of deep and special connection, knowing that their dead child’s heart, remains alive beating within another little girl.
Could that be the way God the Father sees us, knowing that a part of his son and his sacrifice, beats within all of us?
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It’s been a long while since I’ve felt that U2 has reached the same lyrical brilliance they had since the Achtung Baby/Joshua Tree albums. Maybe it’s just be, but there was something artistically profound in the lyrics back then, and as with much of popular music, it seems much more casual stylistically today.
I’ve always enjoyed one of the song “Sometimes you can’t make it on your own” from their last album, but yesterday I fell in love with it. I’ve always known that the song was written about Bono’s father, but I was waiting in the car for my wife, and listened to it several times over from different perspectives and it floored me.
I thought about it from my own father towards myself.
Tough, you think you’ve got the stuff
You’re telling me and anyone, You’re hard enoughYou don’t have to put up a fight
You don’t have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches, For you tonight
It’s interesting how we’re often raised to be autonomous and independent. To think that my parents would not only want to raise me and support me, but also struggle on behalf of me is mindblowing.
I thought about my own daughter and how much I want her to deeply know that she doesn’t need to appear strong before me and that I’d gladly take shots for her and fight for her.
I thought about my wife.
Listen to me now, I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone
She embodies these words especially as I venture out on an unpaved path in life. I’m guessing as with many wives she wants to know how she uniquely helps or contributes to my well being, but this basic reality of staying the course with me.
I thought about myself.
A house still doesn’t make a home
Don’t leave me here alone
I think this is such a vulnerable statement. Besides when I was sharing with my wife yesterday, I don’t recall the last time I uttered the words “don’t leave me here alone”. All the stuff and significance I surround myself with could never compare to the family that makes my home.
I thought about relationships.
We fight all the time, You and I
That’s alright, we’re the same soul
I don’t need, I don’t need to hear you say
That if we weren’t so alike
You’d like me a whole lot more
It’s odd how the people that are most like us, we can have the most contention with. They remind us of our own failings, our own junk, our own areas of weakness.
I thought about people who’ve shaped me at the climax of the song…
Can you hear me when I sing?
You’re the reason I sing
Like my daughter when she’s proudly showing me what she made with her blocks, I realized I’m the same way. I come alive when I have an opportunity to express the best of what’s been given to me. But even more importantly, it hit me how deeply indebted to others I am, especially my wife.
I can’t do what I do, simply because I just reached deep within and pulled it out of myself. I’m not a self-generating machine. The best of what I am is because of others. You’re the reason I’m able to sing.
Now take it further, and listen to this from the perspective of God speaking to you.
Can you hear me when I sing?
You’re the reason I sing
Can you hear and see and feel a God that is joyously expressing his infinite love towards you?
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Stellar’s doing better, thanks so much for all the prayers.
A few reflections on the whole experience
There were periods Stellar would be breathing so rapidly I wondered how her little heart could keep up, and other times when her breath was so shallow we weren’t sure if she was breathing at all. Nothing much else matters in these moments.
In these moments you start thinking crazy crazy thoughts in silence. Who passed this on to her? Was it me? Is this the resulting consequence of some past sin? Might these be my last moments…?
In my struggles to live a disciplined life of prayer, I found no need to have to pray, it was simply the cry of my heart every moment.
I tell new parents how resilient kids are all the time, I guess it really is different when it’s your own.
Life sometimes offers us forever-defining choices with very little clarity. Should I rush to the emergency, or am I over-reacting and what’s best is to let this will pass? Sometimes you just need to believe that inkling of a voice within your heart, and act.
Stellar has always kept us busy with her high-fives and attraction to dirt, garbage, and just about all things dangerous. During her sickest moments she became almost void of her personality. We ached for all her special traits to re-emerge again. We realized that these sometimes tiring characteristics were signs of life, and what made her, her.
The internet is loaded with horrifically sad stories on just about every illness and disease. Sometimes knowing more information that you can’t action on, really doesn’t help.
Hospitals are rarely happy places. I have many friends in the medical profession I greatly admire, but there’s something about the ’system’ I think that often bothers me. Sometimes it seems to enforce helplessness as you’re often not told what exactly is going on, your life is at the mercy of strangers, and I often feel like conclusions are often drawn before proper assessments have been made.
This has only deepened my admiration for just about any parent who loves and raises a child, regardless of how their children turn out emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc. You are to be honored.
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