There are some dreams you pray with every fiber of your being never to come true.
I had been thinking along this theme of beauty and brokenness for weeks. I couldn’t shake this feeling that I was only scratching the surface. I fell asleep one night asking God to take me further.
We’re on a lush mountain top. My daughter’s grazing her fingers along flower petals the way she always does. I see my wife and everything is perfect.
Then my heart hits the floor. I turn back, and my daughter is gone.
We’re frantic. We look everywhere. We don’t know if she wandered off, or if she was taken.
I see myself desperately searching and searching as the seasons change.
Unbearable pain fills my veins. There’s no resolution. The pain just hangs there. How could so much life just vanish?
Thoughts of God only make it harder. What was lost becomes what was taken.
I’m holding my second daughter. She’s beautiful, but I have no capacity for joy. Her beauty only reminds me of my anguish.
Whatever strength I had left leaves me. And I’m only a shell. Waiting, unable to move.
How is that for miserable? We all have our own nightmares, and some of us live with them every day.
What do you do when a ‘dark night’, becomes a lifetime, and the pain never lifts?