Think of the most violent, horrific, and inhumane act you can imagine.
I can’t quite say the words, but you know the ones.
I’ve done them. Repeatedly.
People look at me in disgust.
But it’s really love in excess, maybe misdirected.
What can I do, when my love comes out the wrong way?
When it’s only ever received with screaming.
I’ve taken pleasure as they cried for escape.
Their tears bring relief to my sun-cracked skin.
Some days what I do revolts me
Other days I coddle it like a newborn child
But every time, no matter what, the darkness always overcomes.
I spend my days fantasizing about my sins
yet I can’t seem to make out their faces.
I’ve raped and stolen innocence.
I feel sorry every time.
Could you find it in you to forgive me? To love me?
I can’t promise that I’ll stop.
Could you hold me close if I came near?