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High school all over again…

I’ve been speaking at Teen’s Conference over the last few days. Looking into the eyes of these incredible emerging adults, I had forgotten how lost I was when I was their age.

– thoughts of ending my life secretly plagued me
– I mocked anyone who wanted to do anything significant with their life
– my journals were filled with darkness, death, and general destruction
– the bulk of any laughter that remained in my life was at the expense of others
– Every day I wanted to scream, but never did because I was more afraid of hearing the silence of no one really caring.

I remember telling people that I was sure that I’d be dead before I hit my mid-twenties, because I could see no further reason for existence. Life was just a sucky side trip on the way to oblivion. And anything worthwhile had already been done.

I could not have been more wrong.

{ 8 comments… add one }

  • deana March 15, 2007, 1:35 pm

    I’m glad you were wrong. Middle school and high school years are so hard…and most people don’t even have an idea what is going on in kids’ heds. It is great that you are able to share your experiences and relate to kids in that way.

  • Rodney Olsen March 15, 2007, 4:53 pm

    Anyone who says they wish they could be a teenager again wasn’t paying attention the first time around.

    I had some great experiences back in those days but I wouldn’t go back there.

  • Lon March 15, 2007, 8:58 pm

    Deana / Rodney, you’re right high school’s a tough time for all, I’m guessing it’s likely even tougher today. It’s amazing how so many people could feel the same, and still feel alone.

  • cruciformity (aka Chris Marsden) March 16, 2007, 1:36 pm

    I think the problem in high school was being able to be real with people. Even as a Christian, you couldn’t be real. As a Christian, you had to have it all together and have all the answers. To doubt and suffer from depression and contemplate suicide was unacceptable. And so in the midst of having so many friends, I was still alone.

    Don’t know what the answer to all of that is, but continuing to do the same things in the same way is certainly not it.

  • tony sheng March 16, 2007, 10:53 pm

    amazing what we learn as we get older and more boring huh ? 😉

    seriously though, i know what you are speaking is speaking LIFE into some of those students – know that you are making a difference!

  • Lon March 17, 2007, 6:04 pm

    Chris & Tony, thanks for chiming in and the words of encouragement.

    I’m hopeful and excited that every one of us can now be part of the change!

  • Grace April 1, 2007, 3:27 pm

    Wow… I am so glad that you’re still alive even today… what a great and wonderful plan that God has in store for you.. =)

    I listened to a podcast sermon by Erwin Mcmanus about our destiny about a week ago. In that podcast he was sharing about how his daughter was hit for a car in a high speed, and yet ended up with no injury whatsoever. He said something about, ” GOd has definitely has a plan for her.. Her time is not up yet.. ”

    I experienced and tasted how dark and hopeless depression could be earlier last year. I woke up everyday and just felt hopeless. For the first time in my life, I truly felt that there was no purpose in my life.. I woke up just waiting so that I can go back to sleep.. and When I went to sleep,I wish that I didn’t have to wake up the next day.. It was horrible and it was just very hopeless…

    The healing process has begun and it’s still going on… There are still times when I have to make a conscious decisions to not give up to that depression thought and the unhealthy thought… But the feeling of hopelessness is gone.. and because I have tasted that depression, I know with all my heart that I am still alive today because my time is not up yet and there are things that God wants me to do as long as I’m still alive…
    I definitely appreciate my life and my daily breathe even more…

    I don’t know why I share this with you, but Lon, seriously, I am glad that you are still alive today… I’ve told you before and I will tell you again, though I only met you very briefly for once, you made a whole lot of difference for me.. =)

    Take care and Be blessed!

    -gRaCe-

  • Lon April 5, 2007, 11:22 am

    Thanks for sharing Grace, and the words of encouragement. I’m so glad I’m alive as well! I’ve no doubt my wife and daughter would second that too!

    I’m glad you’re alive as well. It’s amazing how God waits for us and ministers to us in those lows, and brings us out more alive than ever!

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